Monday, August 26, 2013

You always have me

I'm broken in places I can't see or reach
I'm bleeding out patience I can't cease
I'm terrified of this autumn and all it would bring
I'm trying not to mess this hug but I'm full to the brim.

I run from glee and gloom alike
An untamed tornado, secretly a claustrophile
I take to corners every now and then
A confused exterior, guarding a hopeful self.

I say things that my actions don't comply
I weave dreams I am not sure could be
I lose temper on you for things I myself often do
I crash castles as if building them was as easy as 2+2.

No matter how difficult I make it
And how I tend to withdraw
You stand by me.
No matter where I am off to
And how I sometimes even breeze past you
You never confine me.

No matter how reckless I am
And how I end up in dark alleys of my own mind
You find me.
No matter where I've fallen and bruised
And how your hands still bear the scars from resurrecting this glass-house we live in
You fix me.

P.S. I once came across this phrase:
"All we really need to survive is one person who truly loves us. And you have her."
Repeating it over and over again in my mind gave me peace that maybe someday I'll find someone I can say that to. My path ends up before your face.

Thank you for not letting me have my way all the time. I would have missed on a gorgeous tomorrow.

No siempre el primer amor sera el único y el ultimo… siempre existirá un segundo, el cual te ame y te acepte tal cual eres a pesar de tus errores, como el primero no lo supo hacer.

© 2013 Neha Choudhry

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Waste Friday Nights Away

I've seen days without rain
I've lived places off a page
I've hummed tunes to myself to lull
I've flipped in piggy banks in wishing wells to see some sparkles in the dull
I've taken hands in mine to hold
I've lied; I've robbed one off his gold
I've spoken and invited storms in
I've stayed shut as walls walked closing
I've survived days when fire poured
I've tasted tears of someone I love
I've laughed until I fell to the floor
I've been on the wrong side of a closed door
I've met people; I've memorized birthdays
I've stayed with a single stone, pushing it start to end of my way
I've been delusional and caved-in
I've shrugged off oceans in my eyes to see someone smiling
I've been selfish, I've hurt
I've my own skeletons-overflowing cupboards in places I never should
But I've come far
And I hold on to the worse, the best
I've yet to set my foot in deepest marsh
I've yet to climb up my highest and breathe an overwhelmed sigh
I've yet to hear from my parents they're proud
I've yet to sing LIVE, dedicating to the one who manages to convince me so
I've yet to contain myself in something to be remembered by
I've yet to hold the tiniest kitten in my hands
I've yet to defeat him at a Tekken retreat
I’ve yet to sleep in my own bunk bed
I've yet to see his reaction when he sees me in red
I've yet to tickle him until tears roll
I've yet to set my foot on a land wherein my soul gets lost for evening strolls
I've yet to sink a few Titanics, build a few Golden Gates
I've yet to assure him that in his heart I shall always stay
I've yet to meet whose songs I use as my candlelight dinner background score
I've yet to paint something I won't crush and throw away
I've yet to write a story I'd want my kid to sleep with
And somewhere in the midst of all these "I have's" and "I've yet to's"
I've built a dream
I've yet to live in
Under star-lit skies
Pointing constellations
Holding his hand
I’d love to waste Friday nights away.

© 2013 Neha Choudhry