A little more...

Waking up seems weird
When all my life I've slept
In the arms of my dreams.

Opening my eyes hurts
When they've been securely shut since ages
Overlooking anything displeasing.

Speaking about you drives me to tears
Coz it's been a while
since I took your name and let it pierce through my heart's walls.

But still I've woken up, only to sleep again someday
In every face I find the traces of a time gone by
and today I could sing out your name aloud
to let it hurt a little more
Dream a little more
Love a little more
Miss a little more
Wish a little more.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Words

Words.
The First words matter. Sure, the last ones are what take the limelight eventually. Be it the end of a discussion, a relationship or life's journey. The first words politely sit in the corner, watching what they gave way to. Waiting, maybe some day someone will actually remember them too.
But, do we?

What was the first word you ever spoke?
Which was the one you first wrote?
I ain't nobody to interpret what is the significance of your or, for that matter, my first words. But, I am just trying to share a thought that happened to strike me out of no where.

We sometimes end ties with people for they ended up saying something too hurtful for us to absorb. Whatever happened to those first words that binded you to them? They stand etched in time. Never looked back on. Very much there but forgotten.

The first words that were exchanged between you and a best friend you totally forgot about, over the years.
The first words that turned a crush to someone you ended up loving with all your heart.
The first words that triggered the argument wherein you lost him.
The first words shared with a random stranger who, today, is your best friend.
The first words of a song that made you not hit 'shuffle'.
The first and only words exchanged with someone you happened to meet in passing. Maybe those very words shine the brightest in his memories.
The first words of appreciation. They introduced you to Confidence.
The first words that made you realize rejection. Yes, those are the ones that made you strong enough to have fought your way out the storms of life.

On behalf of all those first words, and more, I just want to say: Remember us. We are very much there.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Wishing it was...

You
lay awake
In those fractions of seconds
when the first rays of sun are still to reach the earth
when the darkness still wants to blanket you one last time
when you hug the pillow by your side
with tears in your eyes
wishing it was me.

&

I
lay awake
In those million minutes
of memories
when I saw you the very first time
when a little heart learned to beat to the rhyme of your name
when I hugged the pillow by my side
with a smile on my face
wishing it was you.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Steel Feels!

This might be one of the simplest I ever penned down. Written a few months back. March, 2011 to be specific. Cheers!


The sky, the moon, the stars
My friends they are.

I've wished for you, for us on them
But times changed
I don't know How, why, when.

The best thing about yesterday was You
The best thing about today too, is You
What tomorrow brings, I can't predict
You're gone now, but my heart is still in conflict.

On this moonless night
I sit in the corner
trying to find my favorite star.
Beneath the clouded sky
I sit back, miss you
And together,
the sky and I
Cry.

I told you,
I'm stronger than steel
that's another story
that I never told you
This steel feels.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

...(and that's how I) DIVE!

Written this back in August, 2009. Some of you may have read it already. Cheers!


"Dad... I can't", she said wiping her tears as her mother hugged her. "One day you will honey..." and hummed a lullaby to her little girl who wept and finally slept. Like many other ten year olds, her dad is her Hero. Just a little difference that being a 7-time gold medalist in olympics, he was an inspiration for many.

The blues of the pool, the smell of chlorine in air, sitting in her mom's lap playing with her little 'duckey' while he swam are things still fresh in her mind. "She's a born swimmer" is what her dad said when she travesed the room doing the baby-breaststroke and not the usual crawl.

And now, up in the middle of the night, she looks at her new pink swim-set that her dad gifted her. Tears rolled down her eyes. "What's wrong with me?" and she cried herself back to sleep again.

She got up next day. It was the day of trials for THE RACERS, her school swimming team. She so wanted to be a part of it. She's been trying to swim but never got her basics right. Her dad did everything he could. He helped her himself, he enrolled her with the best trainers but no improvement. Sometimes she couldn't hold her breath for long, other times she just panicked and what hurt her the most was the booing and commenting by others..."Her dad is a champ. She's a loser." And they chanted "L-O-S-E-R" in chorus as she ran away to the changing rooms.

Today was a 'do-or-die' chance for her. She had decided that if she couldn't make it today, she'll accept that she can't swim and won't ever enter the pool again. Sporting her costume, she adjusted her swim goggles and ear plugs. On the first whistle she calmed herself, on the second she repeated,"I will do it" deep down her mind and heart. And on the third, she stepped forward to jump but she slipped and fell back. For a few seconds everything faded... Then someone said "LOSERRRR...."

She stood up and walked away from the pool.. Forever.


It has been ten years since that day. She gave it up, crushed her dreams to be a swimmer and started playing soccer. She is the captain of SHOOTING STARS- her college soccer team since three years now. But off and on in the back of her mind she still wanted to swim. It was the ONE thing she wanted to defeat one day.

"Kiki, you coming with me?" called her dad. "Yeah dad! I can't miss this for the world". Her dad was being awarded for the outstanding swimmer he had been over the years. Having won 15 gold and 4 silver medals, he was a LEGEND.

After the ceremony, she headed to the afterparty at the pool with her mom and dad. Someone dared her dad, "Hey Rob, aint got anything left in 'yeh muscles huh? What's with the silvers?" He was an old competitor who too represented the country but never really won anything for years. With this, Rob stripped off his shirt and jumped in the freezing pool...

He didn't resurface.

"Dad, enough... come out now", Kiki shouted. People stood glued to the spot. For them it was just another 'DARE-ME' stuff. Deep underwater, Rob struggled. He hadn't been fit for previous years' olympics. He was advised rest. The freezing water did something to him. He felt a sudden STOP. His heart wasn't beating. And he was slowly going dizzy. He thought he heard Kiki's faint voice... Fading!

Something inside Kiki snapped. Rob was nowhere.

"Call the lifeguard GOD DAMMIT!!!", she screamed and then not waiting for the consequences, did what she never did in ten years. She took a deep breath and jumped. She heard her mom shout "Noooooo..." but she didn't care. Her HERO, her POP was in there...

The water was freezing... She held on. All she wanted was her dad. She swam her way through the 33 ft deep pool... searching for a sign him... And then she saw his hand and her movements sped up."I'm here dad... I'm here", her heart whispered and she held on to him and began her way up... Within a minute or so she brought him back to the pool side. The lifeguards arrived the minute she was up and took charge along with the doctors.

Sitting outside the ICU with her mom by her side, she with a broken voice, prayed...

"Been with you ... through the years
It's better everyday, you've kissed my tears away
Daddy I love you... never go away...please”

"He'll be fine.." was the last she heard before dashing in and holding his hand again. He winked and smiled her favourite smile and slowly said,"I told your mum... My Kiki is a born swimmer".. and she hugged him!


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

you can take my breath away...

Written this back in March, 2010. Some of you may have read it already. Cheers!


She just saw the most beautiful sunset of her life, clicked so many pictures today... Now all by herself, she was happily driving up the mountain with 'Hero' playing in the background...Nothing could be better..."I ♥ u too", she involuntarily said and smiled coz she didn't know what made her say it just then.


At that very moment, the breaks of her car failed...


Doors centrally locked, with tears running down her cheeks she tried to steer away from the edge... Tried so damn hard... Shrieking of tyres is all she heard before she knew she was finally FALLING...
.
.
.
.
.
Sitting in his room, he was smiling as he browsed through her profile and read comments on her photographs... She was the best 'Gift' he could ever wish for, he said.
He missed her...


Unknowingly that scene flashed through his head. The last time he had seen her...


"I'll come back in a blink...", she said and flashed a sweet smile winking.


Looking at her photograph fighting his tears, he slowly said, "I ♥ u"..!


*I ♥ u too*...


He turned around... He looked here and there... "Did I just hear her...!??" :o


"Guess I am going mad now...", he laughed.
.
.
.
.
.
She closed her eyes... She knew it was gone...!
For a moment then, she felt cheated...from life.
All those dreams, all those memories, He...being snatched away!
.
.
.
She could feel the car going down...and down... She hastily picked up her phone and dialled!
.
.
.
He ran for his phone as he heard HER favorite song's tone...
"I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain"... and He picked up...
.
.
"Hiiii...!!!", almost dancing, he said...
.
.
Humming the song's ending lines as it played in her car, she said,
"I will stand by you forever, You can take my breath away..."
"you can take my breath away"...
.
.
"Esparanzaa...!!! What happ......"
.
.
*and the car explodes*...


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Time

Carelessly he wiped his eyes
not realizing, after ages, today, he was crying.
He shrugged and politely smiled
As he slowly gave her away
to the one who introduced them
to the one who bound them
to the one who drew them apart
to the one who was counting down the beats of his heart...
Time.

For the very first time, that night
she badly wanted to but didn't cry,
The last thing she saw shine
was the one that sparkled the last in his eyes,
The ghost of her last smile
camouflaged those tears her eyelashes contained.
We laid them together, side by side
with the fragrance of flowers and love verses that rhymed,
Separated in life
Love bound them forever...
in TIME.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Porque te quiero así...

Can't keep my eyes off you
Can't keep my mind off you
My talks revolve around you
all the time.
I breathe in
this perfume of love,
I live
for the moments
you kick back the world
and stay.
I am pretty damn sure of one thing
while I stitched up
passion and happiness
together to a seam
in sleep,
You popped up
that night
in my dream.

Don't wanna miss a moment looking away
Don't wanna let any second crawl
For I've loved this all
this fall
in love,
that stroll
in the cold,
your hand
in mine,
my eyes
on you,
the drizzle
and then pour,
your run for shelter
and my excuses to drench more.

Your name must be the synonym of happiness
for whenever I say it
a million butterflies
flutter
tingling me inside,
a million stars light up
reminding me of the sparkle
in your eyes,
a million seconds
stand hypnotized.

For you
I've been crazy all these years
With you
every moment is as sweet as the kiss
when the countdown goes 3-2-1 at New Year's.
I can go on and on
about how I feel home
when you are around,
Every time
I pray
I wish
this craziness in me for you
that smile on your lips
this togetherness we share
the love between us
stays
for always.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Through...!

It was raining crazy
for it was monsoon,
with headphones on
lost in the music
and too busy stealing glances at you,
the skipped heartbeats
the butterflies
the stutters
the flutters
I never noticed pass by.
Coz every time you blinked your eyes
it set free in me limitless fireflies
and every time you looked at me
I was mesmerized.
You smiled,
I smiled.

As autumn arrived
nature cast its spell
leaves left trees barren
one by one they fell.
I defied nature
for my love blossomed manifold.
My heart on my sleeve I wore
An unseen path of life I set on to explore.
I woke up happy each morning
for behind these closed eyes
I lived beautiful dreams every night.
Every prayer started with your name
and I wished your happiness on stars.
For you were my heart's choice
unprecedented actions followed,
I expressed
for love is too beautiful to suppress
or hide.

With fingers intertwined
staring in each others eyes
so many blinking games
you let me win!
Racing through downpours
standing by each others side in odds
This crazy stupid love story
I dearly loved.
The differences made us see things in new light
we grew stronger with every clash, every fight.
Life's play list was set to something
the beauty of which my words can't define.
It was a walk on the clouds
with you by my side
as everything sparkled
and rhymed.

The wind changed direction
I felt the chill in your eyes
We walked together
minus words
as a million miles
separated our hearts
and froze us forever in time.
I was too hopeful to understand
that the days were over when I was yours
and you were mine.
I stood up nights
fighting with the skies.
With unanswered questions
and reasons undefined
I crept to the darkest corners
and missing you,
I cried.

In search of those tiny traces of us
I traveled to all the places we had ever been
not caring of the hurt they caused
for each glimpse of you was the living personification of love.
And once in a while when I met common friends
sharing pleasantries I forced myself to smile through it all
Your name in the conversation drew me to tears
brushing it off saying "something got into my eyes!"
I took to a secluded corridor
away from the questions,
"We'll be fine!"
to myself,
I lied.

I stand on cross roads today
hanging to every moment since you chose to go silent on me
a silence that stabs each living second of my life.
I had dark sides to me
but when it comes to you, I was always true.
As I killed the self-created demons inside
I yearned for your hand for support.
I resurrected my life from the scratch
and hoped one day you will take me back.
But every dream shattered to dust
For you gave up on me too soon.
Never did you care to see
that from deep down my heart and everything I had
to make up for my doings
I apologized,
I really tried.

I knock your door tonight
to not plead you to take me in.
I seek the boy I loved
to let him know
that his dearest wish came true
for the girl who kept holding on
finally fell through
and that
tonight is the night
for him
I died.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Disclaimer: This photo is a copyrighted property of Catalina Fedorova.

She knows...

For everything you ever promised her is falling apart
She stops abruptly mid-sentence having said your name
Her eyes try hard to out the molten pain.
The face that once carried a contagious smile
today tells the story of a shredded heart.

It's hard to tell if she ever sleeps
Coz her eyes hardly blink and forever search
the one person out of the world she chose to love
The one that left her
for another.

And if you ever ask a girl
how can she make out the slightest differences,
the little things that eyes skip
and the ones that are blanketed by powerful lies
the only answer she can ever give you
is what she sees in your eyes.

For when you hold her hand to leave it someday
she knows.
For when she searched your eyes for herself
she saw her.
For when she said she loved you
she meant it.
For when you kiss her but don't mean it
she knows.

But despite all odds if she stays
She still holds your hand whispering 'forever'
You know she is strong
For she has known everything for long
And you would finally realize what she is, was
the day she walks away,
the day she is gone.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Follow her and you will find the sea...

That little old house with a garden on the side
for more than five decades I have called mine.
Since the day I opened my eyes to the world
she has been my support system, my guide.
I pondered way long back, through everything I ever saw, heard
she was my first sound,
She is my first memory.

With a kite-shaped bag on my back
clothes, shoes everything new
I stepped in a school for the very first time
I wasn't even two.
They laughed as I stuttered, was nervous as I spoke
I stood there blank, while a little heart fluttered and broke.

On my way back, I met her
She looked back at me with reciprocation of everything I felt
Without a word she listened as I narrated my day
Gave me water to calm me down and wipe the tears away.

I plucked a rose from the bush in the driveway
put on the best suit I had
Today was the day I finally decided to propose the girl
I loved, from afar.

I reached her place and knocked but no one answered the door
I stood there all day, I wasn't going to give up hope.
Finally at midnight a car came by
A dejected, teary-eyed old man hopped out, I reckon, her father
'I came to meet Kate, Sir...' and before I could say any more
He stopped me mid-sentence and with a sigh murmered 'she eloped.'

Heartbreak it was, everyone said
then why everything in the world appeared shattered
She walked by me, wordlessly as I sat down
breathless, battered.

They say the best friendships are the ones
where silence voices out everything desired
She was the epitome of care and patience
In a beautiful relationship we were wired.

Such was her presence in my life, I can never explain
She brought me back from the dead a million times
With every word I poured in her, she drank in all my pain.
If ever a day comes when you find I'm gone
take me to her because she is where I belong.

.
.
.

We scattered his ashes in her
she wept and with all her love took him in
A friend, A giver, A lover
Today, the world knows her as Ms. River.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Be Mine...!

Wrote it as a song, a few months back.

Yet again day drowned in night
It's 3am, I'm amidst a fight
Heart wishes to see you one last time
Mind is playing tricks, thanks to the wine.

A colorful life turned black and white
The once 'forever together' fell apart
Few more hours and I'll be on that flight
making it the last nail in this coffin, the final dart in my heart.

[Chorus]
Closing my eyes,
I try, I try
To not picture your face
It makes me cry
Your name echoes as the background score of my life
As I take a deep breath, say goodbye and fly.

Frustrated, drained and confused
One by one I load the bags in my car
Stood there for a while
A little dazed, a little teary eyed
Locked the door
and many memories inside
Picked up my acoustic guitar
and drank the last swig of emotions that oozed.

The journey to a life without you, begins
And frankly, I can't define the way it pains.

[Chorus]
Closing my eyes,
I try, I try
To not picture your face
It makes me cry
Your name echoes as the background score of my life
As I take a deep breath, say goodbye and fly.

The plane started the run to the sky
Everything shook, only I trembled a little more
Guess it's the all-drink, no-sleep side effect
Or the realization of the 'love so perfect'
That I was leaving behind.

And my phone buzzed
I almost dropped it out of disbelief
Seeing his name, flash on the screen
Was a 'wish come true moment',
a sweet relief.

I fumbled between a 'Hey' and 'Hi'
Came out sounding more like 'Heey-I'
Lost in the beautiful maze
He had be dumbstruck when he said
"Don't leave, the best is yet to be...
Come back, grow old with me..."

[Chorus]
Closing my eyes,
I didn't have to try
Picturing us together
I had the brightest smile
His voice echoed filling back the colors, the light
"Hold my hand, Be mine."


© 2011 Neha Choudhry
(written on: Feb 1, 2011)

...you wished I was around!

Every now and then
I find a reason to make myself believe
no matter where I am today
no matter what I am,
as you reach out to turn off the alarm
every morning
you wish I was around.

Every moment, here and there
in interstitial spaces of time
no matter what you do
no matter the distances between us,
as you pass by an ice cream vendor
memories make you ask for two
and as you return one.
With a helpless smile
you wish I was around.

Every year on my birthday
as my friends text you a wish with a wink,
no matter how much you want to
no matter what happened between us
as you start to dial my number
half-way through, you put the phone down.
A tear trickles down your cheek
with a deep sigh
you wish I was around.

Every place that tells a story of us
is the one you never set your foot on,
no matter what all you do to avoid it
no matter how much you want to
We both know that it kills you
coz in your heart you long to
go there sometime
if only I show up.
With a sincere prayer on your lips
you wish I was around.

That day when I held your hand
I promised you love for n-lifetimes,
no matter who you finally choose to be with
no matter if it's not even me
as today, you put on that suit
the one in pocket of which awaits a ring.
You play your life back and forth
and picture the moment in your mind
as she holds out her hand
you choke as tears cloud your eyes
with a speechless, wordless desire
you wished she was me,
you wished I was around.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Story of a Lifetime!

It's night and it's pouring

the only sound I hear is the tipper-tap

not to mention it's my birthday

another one I gulp down, just like that!

It's not that I didn't want to celebrate

but more like everyone I know bailed out,

Here I am, giving myself funny toasts for life

in one hand a glass, in the other, a knife.

.

.

To cut the cake, of course.

The phone *rings* to prove it's existance

I pick up and someone hangs up,

And then the door and the phone decide to sing together

I run for the door yelling all the possible variations of 'Hello'

in the phone where nobody speaks, yet again

And I just ate, drank, digested my words

Standing by the open door is the guy, Mr.M.

All my life I have loved.

A beautiful birthday night, ain't it?

I am standing in over-sized tee and pajamas

and one green slipper on

I don't remember where the hell the other one's gone.

He said 'Hey' and then 'Happy Birthday'

And I gazed at him as if time just went back,

The same twinkling eyes, the same teasing smile

Only it was his birthday, not mine.

I invited him in and he said 'You', pointing towards me, 'out of that house, Now!'

Puzzled, I was, but that smile didn't leave my face

He took it as a 'Yes'...

And with the knife, the phone, the one green slipper, pajamas on

I was in the passenger seat of a car

not mine, but of the guy I want to belong to.

'Is he kidnapping me?'

'Are you a kid, for starters, lady?'

'Shut up!!!'

'Is he real, am I dreaming?'

'Where is he taking me?'

Oh, that was my mind debating, by the way,

After driving for 'a century' it seemed, the car screeched to a halt.

My name was being whispered succeeded by a 'wake up'

and I got up with a jolt.

'How long was I out?', I asked

'Umm... about a couple of hours'

His hand brushed hair away from his eyes

'We're here, let's go'...

Singing 'Where? Who? What?' behind him

I too, tagged along.

'Wasn't this the house I googled for ever?

'Isn't this fence I tried to make the 'pointer' leap through?'

'No, this can't be it. Impossible!!!'

I heard a doorbell, I heard footsteps

I heard the door knob and then 'someone' that took away my breath!

Do you too have moments when you mind has the ':-O' expression?

Were you ever so surprised that you danced at your place for a millisecond and then fainted?

And the best, have you been woken up to senses by someone you hero-worshipped all your life,

that too on your birthday night?

I was woken up by the unique pronunciation of my name

from the voice that sung me a lullaby for a million nights.

'This all is happening, is it?', I asked

and opened one eye to make sure.

Mr.E. smiled the smile I saw in photographs

and every moment there on, I treasure.

The candles were lit

The cake was in place

my knife was wrapped up and presented to me,

I raised my eyes, in the candle light

saw them both, singing 'Happy birthday' in unison.

On the verge of crying, I was too overwhelmed to react

Whoever said wishes were just wishes, all this and more was in reply to that.

I still was in a daze, as we hit the road again

A dream had just come true, all thanks to Mr.M.

And just when I thought the night couldn't get any better

the tipper-tap started again,

I rolled down the windows and let the rain come in.

He stopped the car, once again

I looked around, in middle of nowhere, it was

He stepped out, I did too.

I looked at him, he was looking at me too.

There were no questions asked

just confessions from the heart.

He held out a case

I held out my hand

the ring fit Perfect!

And thus began the Story of a Lifetime!

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

The Prince's Tale

Hiding in the bushes
I watched her smile
as she giggled while she talked
wearing a rose colored frock.
As she went up high on the swing
her green eyes sparkled with joy
I wished to know her
I longed to be her friend
talk to her
dawn to dusk
dusk to dawn
be with her
until time is through.

Little did she know
Wizardry was her world
with magic running in her
she wasn't the usual, normal girl.
When I broke it to her that she was a witch
she ran away,
I stayed there all night
wondering why no one ever cared,
why I never had a friend,
why was I always left alone
in despair.

Lost in my thoughts
I didn't hear her coming
She came and sat beside me.
Her curious green eyes
questioned me
"So is it true?",
she stuttered at 'Witch'
I nodded in agreement
and she smiled without a twitch.
She told me she kind of knew it
but couldn't put into words.
Her sister called us a freak
and we had no care in the world.
We were best of friends
sharing a life, a dream, a destination
and magic.
We were together
dawn to dusk
dusk to dawn
I longed to hold her hand
and tell her
I will love her
until time is through.

Hogwarts, it was
finally we had arrived,
we were sorted in different houses
but these little things we didn't mind.
She got close to another
and I watched them sometimes
a fire burned through me
I couldn't stand her away
and in a fury, a passing moment
I said things all my life, I've regret.
If only I didn't call her a 'mudblood'
If only I could make her understand
I wouldn't have been this heartless, this cold
and together we could grow old.

She married him, I heard
I tried to not show I cared
but when I learned she was in danger
I couldn't keep away, withhold.
And she tried saving him
a little boy of one
I could have hated him all my life
had it not been her son.
That night in Godric's Hollow
I took her in my arms
with tears raining my love
I poured my heart out
I told her I loved her
all along,
I longed to hear her
but she was gone.

My dawns dusked forever
time indeed was through,
I vowed to save her son from the dark
I knew she wanted him safe too.
He had the face I most despised
but somewhere in him, she shined
No matter how much I hated James
No matter how much I tried to hate the little boy
every time I saw his green eyes
I thawed, I cared for him too.

Never before today
I bared my soul
Anonymously I've looked after him
cared the way she would want to,
I wore a cloak of hatred
but my heart never let the embers of love fade.
As I close my eyes today
I wished to see her one last time
with tears in those green eyes
when he looked at me
I saw Love
I saw Lily.

I never could say it
I never even dared
I never knew I possessed
so much love to share.
Before my heart stops
as I breathe in my last
I want her to know
I have loved her
All this time
In life and death
Always.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

You

I've held you
when I wasn't even sure I am alive
I've reached you
in the brightest and darkest moments of my life.
I've heard you
in my mind, my heart
I've searched you
when nothing I could find.

I can slay the dark with one hand
if you are holding the other
I can smile all through my life
if you promise to be around.
I can be fearless and fly
if you are there to break my fall
I can even share my ice cream cone
if you will let me have your own :P

I've missed you
all the time I didn't know you
I've kissed you
with every good night.
I've run to your embrace
when rejected by the world
I've been courageous today
having broken this spell
that I've loved you
and always will.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Farewell Harry Potter!

I'll miss the sleepless nights when I sneaked out in the balcony with my book and torch to finish the last few pages.

I'll miss the times when sleeping through my Physics classes, I traversed through Hogwarts a million times.

I'll miss those awesome discussions with Prateek on the last bench on who could R.A.B. be and what he did to the Horcrux.

I'll miss this unbelievable patience I had, desperately waiting for the next book/movie.

I'll miss Sirius Black.

I'll miss Hedwig.

I'll miss Prof. McGonagall.

I'll miss Hagrid.

I'll miss Dumbledore.

I'll miss Dobby.

I'll (I don't know why) miss Draco Malfoy.

I'll miss the Burrow and the Weasley's.

I'll miss Fred. :'(

I'll miss Luna.

I'll miss Neville Longbottom.

I'll miss Hogwarts.

I'll miss many more things I am unable to quote in here.

I'll miss Hermoine.

I'll miss Ron.

I'll miss Voldemort.

I'll miss Harry Potter.


And I will miss SEVERUS SNAPE
the man I loved to hate, one time.
the man I ended up loving more than anyone in the whole POTTER series.


I will miss what I am, at this moment, these very seconds, immersed in the world of Harry Potter.


I did all I could to keep away from this WORLDWIDE PHENOMENON.

But when it's up in the stars, you can't help it. Five years ago on that fateful night, while I struggled to sleep on my way back to Delhi from Manali (School trip), a friend handed me over his worn-out copy of Harry Potter and The Philosopher's Stone.


That was 'the' moment, my life changed!


MAGICAL it was. MAGICAL it still is.
And MAGICAL it always will be, every time I read/watch it here on.


Thank you Jo for giving us HARRY POTTER!

...for everything.

Sunshine :)

Standing by the porch
she watched you
every morning as you took your bicycle out,
two chocolates in hand
one for you, one for herself
she waited
by her door
for you to slow down
so she could come along.

All through the first half
she sat back
and counted hours
to the lunch break
only to run down the stairs
and watch you play
in the school ground.

Never did you see
those eyes
Never did you hear
those words
Never did you notice
that girl
who anonymously
loved you.

It's been four years
and a little more
Do you remember her eyes
when you said
you loved her too...
angry, happy, moody, sad
she might have committed mistakes, been bad
but when finally she knocked your door
pleaded a hug
you refused to recognize her
all of a sudden
she was a stranger
she was trash?

Won't you hold her back
she's walking away
Won't you call out to her
she's losing control
Won't you just take her in
she's shivering in cold
Won't you love her
she's been loving you!

Never did you feel
what she went through all those times
when you ignored her
while she sung to you her favorite lines.
Never did you hear
what she wanted you to know
holding on to her hope
today she let you go.

As she held her gaze
to your face
for the very last time
tears blurred her vision
and words came out as a whimper
but she smiled
and turned around
coz she didn't want you to see her cry.

As she packed her life
and closed her eyes
in her diary
that night
she wrote
you a note:

"If ever you find yourself
walking under the sun
Look closely
you won't be alone.
You will have me
walking along
as your shadow,
as a long forgotten tune
of your favorite song.
And in those lonely nights
when you weep
I'll hold you
sing you a lullaby
to sleep.
Kissing your eyes
wishing you a good morning
for the rest of your life
I'll be your Sunshine..."

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

...always!

A Hundred thousand...

A few little things I kept aside
with every associated a dear memory,
bit by bit I weaved
my little Universe around you.
But
if someday I vanish away with time
raining those memories from my eyes,
with every step I take.
Don't come searching for me,
holding me back
with a Hundred Thousand Lies.

A few little things will remind you of me
Imprints of me would last an eternity
Survive you will
but forget, you will not
you will think of me even in an 'empty' passing thought.
When every day you splash your face
in the mirror you would catch a glimpse of me.
My birthdays would leave you with a smile
when you'll look back on the 'Dark Chocolate' chase
I used to put you through.
And
Every time you hear my favorite song,
you would heave
a Hundred Thousand sighs.

A collection of captured moments in mind,
a single little diary hidden in your closet,
dead roses weeping inside
waiting to be opened
and sung a lullaby.
That moment you took my hand in yours
looking at me, you winked and smiled
those were the seconds,
exactly the time
when
I promised you love
for a Hundred Thousand Lifetimes.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Moments

Some moments break us
and we think misery won't ever end.
Some moments take us
to times we find difficult to comprehend.


Some moment drive us
to passionately chase our dreams.
Some moments help us
to understand what we actually need.


Some moments knock us down
to bounce us back higher.
Some moments scratch our hopes
to make us a little more patient, stronger.


Some moments submerge us
under the lashing waves of guilt.
Some moments weave us
a warm, cozy quilt of love.


In moments you stand dejected
when no one is by your side,
and you can't match up to the expectations
in others' and your own eyes.


Just keep one thing close to
your heart and mind,
these are the very Moments
that bring a message within, saying:


"Through the clouds of pain
and tides of time
Tomorrow morning
the sun will shine
and sooner than you think
Everything will be fine..."


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Birthday Twins ;)

This is written in pure fun just to make the 'BIRTHDAY TWINS' smile. :)


Fast Forward in future.
Year: 2020


Way long back in history
eager to see the monsoon rain
these two little girls
opened their eyes to the world
time was different
different were the places
but the day was same.

Birthday twins they were
yet uniquely apart
but as I sat down to write this one
bull's eye hit my dart.
Underneath different personalities
they share the same core
Out of all the possible celebrities they could fall for
they both had a 'thing' for pace bowlers.

Princess (as we call her) found her charming prince
in the eyes of this ruggled-looking guy
she found heaven's glimpse.
Ms. A's heart skips countless beats
when he smiles that cute smile of his
or winks, or speaks
she sighs and floats in love
love that runs down deep.

Their love gave them that spark
To go for the impossible
the 'one' thing they both could die for
became their 'mission' to live.
Whenever they used to talk about
one day meeting their love
I never took them seriously
and scratched it calling 'just another crush.'

Oblivious I was
to their actions and decisions
but today as I look back
in my eyes, they are achievers.
While Princess went on to be an I.F.S. officer
and proposed Zaheer: 'ON AIR'
Ms. A, an eminent sports journalist
was asked out by Brett 'Cute-smile' Lee in half-time of a match: 'ON AIR'

Miracle, some might call it
Others call it Good Luck
But no one really knows
to be what they are today
they had so much to give up.
Heartbreaks, Tears, Failures, Fear
they both sailed through them all
The 'Birthday Twins' had their destiny
Written in the Stars...


PS: This was written while waiting for Kike, who is off to kitchen to make coffee for him and me.. ;) :D

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Ms. A. and Brett Lee ♥

Zaheer and Princess ♥

Best friend...:)

Where roads merge and ends meet
A place nowhere on the face of earth
When tears run down and eyes speak
a tale of forlorn love.

When you've been running away from the world
not to hide but to escape the hurt
In those interstitial seconds that progress to hours
and you curl up dejected, rejected.

If you think you are alone
you couldn't be more wrong
This one person has followed you around
from the moment you were 'gone'.

While you fooled the world with a fake smile
he waited to question that break in your voice
every night when you didn't sleep
on phone he sang you a lullaby.

On day-1, he saved you a seat in class
by day-10, you knew, this friendship would last
Today, years later when he sees you
he can easily make out your true self behind a mask.

Its been five paragraphs
who were you thinking of?
A best friend he is,
always was.

Things won't always be easy
but life will be a joyride
when you have your own personal 'angel'
by your side.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Give time some time...

Somehow wrote it as a song! While writing it I was singing along.

In the eerie silence of the night

when set on 'misery' is your life's tune

your mind can't help it

but relive the past as new

you smother the hell out of that poor little pillow

raining tears on it

which seem to never stop

Oh baby guess you underestimated

the universe, the moon, the stars

your wishes have been a topic of discussion

up there in the clouds, high above

each star is your lover

queueing up to be your 'voice'

in the court

where wishes are granted.

Every time you feel all down

toss your hair

and just turn around

blow a kiss

from those lip-glossed lips

and wave life a flirty 'hi'...

Coz it's time

to give it up

coz it's time to live tonight

In an attempt to shield away from fears

you've been drowning night and day in tears

It's time

to

Give time some time...

In the rain when you sigh and cry

wishing to drench and dance with that 'one' guy

your heart can't help but skip beats

when you tumble across his picture in slambook sheets

you are back again strangulating that poor little pillow

snuggling it too close

let it go!!!

Oh baby guess you underestimated

the novels, the movies, the stars

if they stretched it like life does

they'll never get an oscar

So, move aside the titanics in way of your iceberged life

but yes, do not let go

the million dreams in those almond eyes

coz..

Every time you smile

you attract a million hearts

your eyes glitter

and go flutter butterflies

in someone's stomach and mind

as they stand in awe high-fived...

And here we go again...

It's time to slide down rainbows

and climb back again for a ride

it's time

to give it up

coz it's time to live tonight

In an attempt to shield away from fears

you've been drowning night and day in tears

It's time

to

Give time some time...

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

What would you do?

A thousand words are buzzing through your mind
and you have a blank paper before you
with pleading eyes it says 'tell me all'
and you sit there living it all through
those 'empty voids' and 'awkward silences'
the very moments in which once love grew
and you know the moment you pick up the pen
will be then moment you'll shatter the dreams
the one you bet your life on, to come true
What would you do?

An army of tears stands ready to break free
to leave their source and enter the cheek territory
with lips curled up in a smile
you hold your head up high
to not let those tiny droplets flow through your eyes
but then that very moment arrives
the undercurrents in your heart
are about to set loose the ocean
and a tiny voice in you says 'don't cry'
What would you do?

Because every moment you move about
you redefine the 'threshold point' of your life
As if you are standing on a cliff
and playing around to see when you finally fall
Because every word you say
will end up being taken exactly the way you DIDN'T mean it
you sit back, set the music up high
and show that it doesn't matter anymore
And someone comes and sits by your side
holds your hand and says 'how are you, tell me the truth?'
Where would you start from?
What would you do?

As he flipped through your diary today
he tried to not feel it
the dark room you spent all your life in
he wished he somehow doesn't reach it
Because the first page read
"Wish you knew..."
and as he flipped to the end of it
the very same words stared him in face
Misunderstood, hated
you were all your life
and curled by your pictures today
he missed you
you were finally 'needed'.
Will you come back?
What would you do?

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Wish you were here with me

There are so many words that I find hard to contain in me now

And I miss those moments when you were around.

I've learnt to smile again, but there is something no one knows
that I blink back your face in my eyes with the tears I can't let flow.

I can't sleep at night and I laze around sitting on the patio
And I wish you replace the wind as it plays with my hair.

And there always will be a million more things
Things I won't say
The ones you won't hear
With every drop of tear I've shed
With every ounce of Oxygen i breathe
With the one that just went by
and the next heartbeat
I wish you were here with me.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Default Exception

As I went back to that place
I somehow travelled in time
Memories, just like wine
turn all the more magical
years down the line.

As I see it now
things drifted apart long back
The sweet part is we let it stretch
this goodbye,
this break up.

What makes me sad
somehow makes me happy too
to be able to hate me that way
someday, sometime
you had loved me too.

I hope someday
You make that 'default exception'
I have been making since long.
The one that makes me
count you and me
as one.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

"Ethan, are you up there?!!"

Curled up in her beautiful four poster bed as she slept, a single strand of her hair ran across her translucent face... She wasn't the 'perfect' girl he dreamt of, but there was something about her. Her eyes held the mystery. The way she looked, the way her eyes smiled and sparkled made his heart do somersaults within.

He had stayed up all night, this night. Twice she had gotten up almost in tears. "I saw....", she said, taking in deep breaths and slowly drinking the water as he held her, trying to calm her down, "...you are leaving." He didn't know what to say to something like that. He hugged her and hummed a lullaby as he caressed her hair and put her back to sleep. An hour didn't pass when she was up again. This time, even more scared when she didn't see him around at first. He was out on the terrace star-gazing and came running down when he heard her call out his name..."Ethan, are you up there?!!"

It wasn't for the run down the stairs that he was breathless. It was her. A girl in tears is a breathtaking sight. He never knew why he loved to see her cry. She looked divine.

"I'm here..I'm here", he said as he picked her up and kissed a tear drop which was rolling down her eye. And took her to the terrace with him. As they stood there, looking at the stars, he curled his hand around hers on the frozen railing and said, "I'm always around. The stars lead us to where we are today. They'll lead us tomorrow and for always."

And he hugged her.

Back in her bed she lay, looked at him and smiled. "I'm such an idiot. I know you're here..", and closed her eyes. An hour passed and he lay awake. Watching the girl he never loved because he thought he wasn't good enough for her. He couldn't possibly love her the way she deserved it. As he started to get up, he found her hand was curled around his finger, just like a baby sleeps. He was choking. He gulped down the weird feeling and slowly freed his hand from her clasp. He now knew what his weirdfeeling was called.

As he stood there, his bag weighing down his shoulder and tears weighing down his heart, he clicked a picture of her in his mind and walked out the door. He couldn't ever promise her love. But today, he ended up fulfilling the only 'promise' he made to her...

That autumn evening danced around in his head when he took her hand in his and whispered, "I will turn your dreams to reality."

He just did.

.
.
.
.
.

It's been six years since that morning when she got up with a smile on her face oblivious to the loss. It's her birthday and she is going for her party. Clad in a baby blue dress, she heads up the stairs to the terrace. She has placed a small cake on a little table. She looks up to the stars as she cuts it, crying, and whispers "Ethan, are you up there?!!"


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Titleless

Unexpected.

Unpredictable.

Unbelievable.

Everything was from the very start.
Maybe that's why Letting go is this hard.
Coz every time she concluded it's time to walk
Something inside echoed,
"Let's just wait a little more, please."

She is glad life was beautiful
Long back, that one time
however short lived it was
She is just happy
for you were with her.

When you're out with your friends
celebrating the good riddance,
While you sip the champagne
she takes in her tears
and smiles for the world.

On a moonless night
talking to stars
she dozed off in a deep forever sleep.
The only person she wished life with,
ended up being the one to spell death of her.

Unloved.

Unheard.

Unfinished.


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

...Abhor n Amor...

All it's takin' are two extremes
to keep this head from weavin' any more useless dreams
Everythin' goes to a trash can
No matter how freakin' "lovely" it may seem...

'Abhor' is one
emotions run as wildfire when he sings
He curses, He hits, Kills with his words
and his Cruciatus too, beautifully shatters my in's.

Other I call ♥'amor'♥
he's the fountain o' love that runs deep
in his voice's sweet whirlpool
I let down my day-round defence n sleep...

Together they neutralize
and are keepin' me sane
No love lost, No love found
Sweetest pleasure is pain.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry


(this is for EMINEM n ENRIQUE♥)

PS. Come together for a Song..It'll be AWESOME!

The Dark Side Unleashed...

Venom
I take in
with every drop of tear
that slides down my face
The face I wanna smash
coz it has those eyes
the ones that once met yours
and started all ordeal.

Blood
gushing through me
it screams
a thousand hundred curses
of letting you in this deep
for making you an intrinsic part of me
but that heart
the one I once had
I miss it
more than you.

Love stories
They should be kept
in museums
coz obviously
they don't exist
Misguided
Wasted
I broke myself
to somehow make it work.

Smashed
to pieces
Bladed
to bleed
Hammered
to bits
nearing death
I still waited for you
out in snow
as my heart pounded in me
I heard that curse
as you slammed the door
on my face.

Life
I saw
end in me
as I saw
Love
end in you.
But even today
when I bow down to pray
somehow
your name
is the first
on my lips
and I go on
wishing you happiness
as I go on
cursing myself
for screwing up
myself.

Don't
cross my way again
Never
ever come back
or else I might
do something
that I
never wanna do
pierce the hollow
in me
and
hurt myself more
by falling in love
with you
all over again.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

We.Us.Love.♥

Just heard the thunder
Where you are, I wonder
As I sit back by the door
watching the first drops of rain
as it starts to pour.

There is something about it
something that reminds me of you
taking in the petrichor
a chocolate in hand
my eyes rain of a time
A time lost in winter snow.

A lazy summer afternoon
Searching MnM's to garnish the Sundae
came across the coffee mug you gifted
years back, someday
and I ain't here no more.

There is something about it
something that reminds me of you
curled by my kitten
a book in hand
my mind paints a picture
of a time in memory lane.

It's three in the morning
and I am minus sleep
Chuck it, no complaints
as this is such a routine
and I head outside.

There is something about it
something that reminds me of you
sitting on front porch
my diary in hand
I open the pages
where lay dead roses
the ones I meant to give you.

And I smile
as I look up the sky
I might not see it
but there always is a shooting star
the one that'll hear my wish
the one that bring back what I miss.

Somewhere, sometime
in the vast space above,
Galaxies collided
and so did you and me.
We.Us.Love.♥

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

And the rest, as they say, is history...

Unlike other girls
a backbencher she was
pause-playing her Mp3
while sleeping through the Physics class.

Walked around in her world
A lonely corridor was sometimes Hogwarts to her
wavy hair, dreamy eyes
in every face, searched her 'miracle'.

And then it happened
It happened like this
He came around
and she just couldn't miss
She wished him "Happy birthday"
He took her hand in his
shook it and said, "Thank you"
and she just knew...

And then her life's story
took a chick flick turn
he was someone unreachable
and to him she was the 'invisible' one.

She was one crazy girl I knew
dearly awaited her birthday
counted it on her finger tips all year round
but this year someone's birthday became her favorite day.

And then it happened
It happened like this
Winter thawed and gave way
to February bliss
Sealed her love in a little card
she anonymously gave away her heart
he picked it up
and he just knew...

"It wasn't that easy
a million other things..."
She wiped a tear
and left the sentence incomplete
smiled a little and continued
"but all that matters is that day
that 'start'
And the rest, as they say, is history."

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

A hug is what my silence asked for

When the undercurrents of insanity sparked my insides
such was a time when I had you to run to
While I stood looking at you
paralyzed mute bewildered
Pleading eyes
Bleeding heart
A hug is what my silence asked for.

When brimming with happiness
with tears dancing on my eyelashes
While I stood smiling at you
euphoric starry-eyed ecstatic
Floating in air
content at heart
A hug is what my silence asked for.

When my breath halted
and my senses gave in
as I headed towards
another world or a void
While I lay there
fearless smile-less painless
Eyes closed
A still heart
A hug is what my silence asked for.

© 2011 Neha Choudhry

Fly away...

What happened to you
What happened to me
What happened to us
What happened, really?

No, I am not asking you
I have stopped asking myself too
But how can I just let go
it isn't any xyz, it's you.

Time isn't the same
I changed
you changed
and maybe hence, 'we' fell apart
But changes are in the mind
There's never a change of heart.

Everything that I am
Everything that I ever will be
the pain of losing you
will now drive my destiny sailing me through the shallow and deep dark seas.

I hold no grudges
I just wanted to hold onto you
and every night with a goodnight kiss
I wish someday, we start afresh..as new.

With this and many unheard, unwritten words
I step back from the life
the one I can die to be a part of
the one that's no more mine...


© 2011 Neha Choudhry

...sometimes you just have to...